


John and Isaac Fuck and That's Basically The Whole Thing

by piehunter



Category: US Comedians RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teachers, Anal Sex, Car Sex, Fluff, Homophobia, Lowercase, M/M, Smut, Teacher John Mulaney
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-01 21:20:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19185709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piehunter/pseuds/piehunter
Summary: Read what's on the can.





	John and Isaac Fuck and That's Basically The Whole Thing

**Author's Note:**

> Isaac's my OC, in case you were wondering. It's in lowercase because fuck it, y'know?  
> Horribly out of character, but I was bored and wanted to write this. And it's also horrible, so fair warning, you're not getting any award-winning literature here. I will take any criticism you can give. You can literally say it's the worst thing you've ever read and I'll be like, "Yeah, you're not wrong."  
> With that out of the way, enjoy?

 

the "will they-won't they" between john and i was getting exhausting. he constantly stared after me whenever i would walk away, or checked me out whenever he thought i wasn't looking. i understand why he didn't initiate contact; he was fresh out of a divorce, and he could lose his job.

 

 

but it's tiring!

 

 

i'm not saying that i'm not guilty as well, of course. i've flirted here or there, jacked off to the thought of his ass in those tight slacks, wanted to kiss him senseless whenever he told a funny joke (and that's a lot)...

 

 

but i hold back because he's holding back. maybe i'm reading too far into it? maybe we're just friends, nothing more? maybe there's nothing between us--?

 

 

"hi, knock knock; isaac, do you have a working stapler? mine's broken."

 

 

john stuck his head into the doorway, and i automatically smiled in his presence. the class went quiet.

 

 

"sure do," i passed it to him and our fingers brushed, making my ears flame hot.

 

 

"thank you very much, my good man!"

 

 

and he was gone.

 

 

"y'all are cute!" someone shouted from the back, and i laughed, though my stomach fluttered. was it that obvious?

 

 

"get back to work!"

 

 

at lunch, john was rambling on about his dog, petunia, and the female teachers were eating it up. figures.

 

 

however, he kept his eyes locked with mine as he talked, only glancing over at the others if they reacted or asked a question.

 

 

i felt a delighted smile light up my face. he only wanted to talk to me.

 

 

he was mine.

 

 

i felt my brain reboot.

 

 

??? _mine?_ he isn't _yours,_ and he probably never will be.

 

 

that _probably's_ what i'm counting on, i replied to my thoughts, suddenly tuning back into the conversation.

 

 

"how's spot?"

 

 

i took another bite of my food before answering, swallowing quickly.

 

 

"he's good, he found a girlfriend, and now i'm adopting her. her name's buttercup."

 

 

"aw," he cooed, smiling. i felt my heart speed up in my chest at the sight.

 

 

"at least it's not some faggot dog," one of the random female teachers chirped, and the others laughed.

 

 

john and i paused, locking eyes.

 

 

"i think we're done here," i announced, picking up my lunch and leaving the room, deciding to eat in my room instead.

 

 

john was hot on my tail, closing the door behind us.

 

 

"wow, that was next-level idiotic, jesus christ."

 

 

john nodded, sitting down at a desk. i sat down beside him, continuing to eat as he talked.

 

 

i liked this so much better.

 

 

he glanced at the clock. lunch was over.

 

 

"this is so much better than gossip hour. tomorrow?" i asked him, smiling at his nod.

 

 

"sure."

 

 

we met again the next day, then the next, then the next, and soon we only spent our lunches together.

 

 

one morning, i was clocking into work and groggily walking away when john suddenly appeared, grabbing my hand.

 

 

"wanna go off campus for lunch?" he asked, and i felt my pulse race at the warmth of his hands.

 

 

"w-we can do that?"

 

 

"yeah! as long as we're back in time. which we should be."

 

 

"okay, then. see you!"

 

 

i squeezed his hand and then dropped it. his face went pink as i walked off, and my stomach was fluttering. i felt like a middle school girl with a crush!

 

 

the day went on, and when lunch time arrived, i was nervous, although i'm not sure why. this wasn't a _date,_ was it?

 

 

was it?

 

 

i found john in the parking lot shifting on his feet. when he heard me approach, he immediately smiled.

 

 

"thanks for joining me." i felt my ears burn.

 

 

"thanks for inviting me," i replied, getting in the passenger's seat of his car.

 

 

once he got the car going and some _steely_ _dan_ playing, he rolled down the windows, letting the wind rush through his hair.

 

 

he was wearing sunglasses atop his nose, and he glanced over with a smile.

 

 

_holy fucking_ _shit---_

 

 

i whipped out my phone.

 

 

"can i take a picture of you?" i asked, and he shrugged.

 

 

"i guess," he replied, and i took many. he just looked so fucking stunning.

 

 

i put the phone away, deciding to rock out with john.

 

 

we sang loudly, even as we pulled behind a car in the drive thru.

 

 

we ordered our food and ate in the car. he ate so many fries i thought he was going to suddenly drop dead from high blood pressure.

 

 

"calm it on the fries, john," i laughed, stealing one for myself.

 

 

"they're so fucking _good_ though," he replied, shoving three in his mouth.

 

 

"are you okay?" i asked, though my tone was joking.

 

 

"i'm hungry!"

 

 

"hi hungry."

 

 

  "oh my _god."_

 

 

he cackled, and i couldn't contain my giggles.

 

 

we sat like that for a while, eating, talking, and laughing.

 

 

we ended up laughing so much that my stomach hurt.

 

 

we needed to get back within the next few minutes.

 

 

there was a brief lapse of silence between us. something was weighing on the air. it was now tense in the car.

 

 

i swallowed loudly, smiling awkwardly. what was happening?

 

 

i glanced at him, but i found him already looking at me, his eyebrows knit.

 

 

"what is it?" i asked at last, my voice barely there.

 

 

he looked down at my lips, then said, "there's something..."

 

 

before he could even finish his thought, i kissed him. i couldn't stand the tension any more, i couldn't stand being deprived of his touch, i couldn't stand being unable to actually sleep at night without thinking of him.

 

 

he acquiesced, tilting his head to get a better angle. he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck, pulling me closer.

 

 

i hinted my tongue at the seam of his lips, pressing our noses together as we tangled tongues.

 

 

he moaned, sending heat straight to my growing bulge, and i groaned, straddling his lap and pressing my erection against his.

 

 

"fuck," he whispered, head falling back as i rolled my hips. he carded his fingers through my hair, another hand reaching down to grab my ass. he was straining in his jeans, and i unzipped his pants, pulling them down along with his briefs.

 

 

he was relatively well endowed, and i pulled the lever on the seat back so that the seat would go completely flat.

 

 

i pushed him up the seat a little, then positioned myself between his legs so that i could wrap my lips around his cock.

 

 

he bucked up into my mouth, grabbing at my hair and gasping.

 

 

"holy _shit,_ _that's so fucking hot,_ " he hissed, and i hollowed my cheeks, sucking harder as i bobbed my head, my tongue laving over the tip and all up and down the sides.

 

 

he was moaning loudly, sweat running down his adam's apple.

 

 

i felt his balls tighten against my chin, and he tried to get me to pull off, but i simply sucked harder, bobbing my head sloppily until he came, the car rocking as he arched against the seat, crying out as i milked him to overstimulation. he fell limp against the seat, the only sign of him being alive being his heavy breathing.

 

 

"h-holy shit."

 

 

"i agree."

 

 

he laughed as i pushed him into the passenger's side, switching on the engine and beginning our ride back to the school.

 

 

i could feel my cock aching and leaking in my briefs, but we couldn't be late for class. john zipped up his pants and tapped awkwardly on the console.

 

 

"do you need my help with that?" he asked, his voice husky, and i felt a shiver run down my spine at the sound.

 

 

"later. wanna meet up after school?" i asked smoothly, daring a glance over at him.

 

 

"i'll find you."

 

 

after school that day, i was heading to my car in the empty lot when suddenly i was pushed against my car.

 

 

john.

 

 

he kissed me feverishly, pressing his erection against mine.

 

 

we made out heavily against the metal body, my arms wrapping themselves around his neck as he grabbed my ass, our tongues sliding against each other's as he moaned softly into my mouth.

 

 

we stumbled into the car, deciding to drive to john's house as it was closer.

 

 

he was mouthing at my neck the whole time, biting at my collarbones and rubbing my thigh.

 

 

i was rock hard and throbbing painfully when we finally reached his house, though the race to get inside was nearly foiled by a fumbled key.

 

 

he shut the door behind us and dragged me into a kiss again, rutting needily against my hip. i moaned, unbuttoning his shirt as quickly as i could.

 

 

he lifted my shirt over my head, and we ended up stumbling into the bedroom, kissing and giggling as we fell onto his bed. i ran a hand down his back, feeling every knob of his vertebrae and every muscle, kissing his neck as he unbuckled my pants.

 

 

being with john made me feel alive for the first time in years. all of my nerves were on end, and his mere presence made arousal roll in my gut. and yet this feeling of pure bliss from being around him permeated my heart and fluttered in my stomach. _oh fuck, goddamn it._

 

 

once we were both down to just our underwear, he rolled over onto one side of the bed, smiling at me playfully.

 

 

"what is it?" i asked.

 

 

"you're nice to look at! i'm about to have sex with you and i can't even look at you for a moment?" he replied, trailing his eyes all over my face, to my blushing chest and ears, and he grinned.

 

 

we kissed again, but this time it was softer. i cupped his face, and he rubbed circles into my hip, laying on top of me and rubbing me through my boxers.

 

 

i gasped, pressing my forehead against his as he pulled down my boxers, stroking my hard cock slowly and languidly. i moaned softly, leaning back into a kiss, which he met with fervor.

 

 

i clutched at his shoulders as he wrapped his hand around my dick, picking up the pace as he pumped me.

 

 

i was close, and john could obviously tell, since he pulled back. i whined and he tangled his tongue with mine, guiding my fingers to his waistband.

 

 

"are you sure?" i asked breathlessly, running my thumb over the edge of the briefs.

 

 

"you're still asking for consent after i physically put you where i wanted you?"

 

 

"yes."

 

 

"yes, i want you to fuck me. so much. holy shit, please just put your cock in my ass."

 

 

i laughed, wrapping my arms around him again and kissing him. he pushed his briefs down, so i drank in the sight of him completely naked before me, skin flushed red. i sucked a dark bruise into his shoulder while twisting my hand around his cock, pumping quickly as he moaned.

 

 

"f-fuck, shit--"

 

 

i suddenly pushed him back into the bed, the hand previously around his cock now searching for lube.

 

 

i opened his bedside drawer, and there it was. i covered my fingers in it, throwing it back on the bed and circling his rim with a cold finger.

 

 

he tensed as i entered him, and my eyes trained on his face.

 

 

after a minute of getting used to it, he sighed, the ring relaxing as he breathed through it.

 

 

"okay. do it."

 

 

i pumped in and out slowly, watching him adjust to the intrusion. his face looked only slightly uncomfortable, and i just kept a steady rhythm.

 

 

"another," he requested, trying to work himself down on my finger, so i obliged.

 

 

i was fucking him with two fingers, scissoring and stretching his rim until he moaned, asking for one more.

 

 

i acquiesced.

 

 

he was panting now, and my pace was faster. i brushed over a soft spot inside him, and his back arched. i found his prostate.

 

 

i repeatedly brushed against it, his cries and his clutching at the sheets letting me know how close he was.

 

 

"fuck, fuck," he hissed, "isaac, please--"

 

 

"please what?" i purred, lapping softly at the head of his cock.

 

 

"stop, you're gonna--gonna make me come, please," he asked helplessly, and i pulled off, pulling my fingers out.

 

 

"are you clean?" i asked, and he nodded.

 

 

"good. me too."

 

 

i slicked my cock up with lube and spread his legs farther apart.

 

 

"are you ready, baby?" i asked, capturing his lips in a short kiss.

 

 

"very. i've been ready for you to fuck me since the day we met."

 

 

i smiled goofily, even as a flood of arousal shot down my spine.

 

 

"the _first day_?"

 

 

"don't make fun of me!"

 

 

"i'm not, i'm just surprised. i wanted you bent over my desk since the second i saw you."

 

 

he groaned, and so i pressed in gradually, making sure it wasn't uncomfortable for him.

 

 

he clutched at my shoulders, and i waited for the go.

 

 

"you know, i've never had someone as beautiful as you under me before."

 

 

he smiled bashfully.

 

 

"you don't need to butter me up, you're literally fucking me."

 

 

"i was just letting you know. i don't know how i didn't jump your bones the first day."

 

 

he laughed, and he clenched a little around my cock, making me moan softly.

 

 

"i'm sorta glad you didn't so that i had time to have my gay panic before. you can move, by the way."

 

 

i burst out laughing at how nonchalantly he added the last note, kissing him passionately.

 

 

"god you're too much," i replied fondly as i pumped my hips.

 

 

he moaned, wrapping his legs around my waist.

 

 

with every thrust john let out a little, 'unh', and i felt my pattern start to go once i found his prostate.

 

 

"jesus, shit!" he cried out, scratching down my back as he pushed back down onto my dick, trying to fuck himself while i pushed into him.

 

 

"fuck, john," i panted, "so tight."

 

 

he threw his head back as i hammered into his prostate, letting me leave marks all over his chest.

 

 

"oh god, fuck, i'm gonna cum," he got out around moans, "please touch me--"

 

 

i grabbed his cock from between our bodies, pumping him in time to my thrusts as he finally came, shooting onto the both of us and into my hand.

 

 

i came just as he did, releasing my load and pumping my hips into that bundle of nerves just to see another drool of cum spurt out of his spent member.

 

 

we slumped against each other, trying to catch our breaths.

 

 

he carded his fingers through my hair, drawing me in for a slow, languid kiss. the sun was just about to set, so his hair shined bronze with the warm light flooding through the blinds.

 

 

"you're gorgeous," i whispered, peppering kisses all along his cheeks and on the tip of his nose.

 

 

he smiled again, that sunny, soft smile, and i blurted:

 

 

"wow."

 

 

he chuckled, running a hand through my hair. "you're not too bad yourself, cowboy."

 

 

"shower?"

 

 

we settled into bed after a long shower which mostly consisted of making out and joking around.

 

 

i held john close, pressing soft kisses to his shoulders. he was breathing evenly, practically snoring, so i knew he had fallen to sleep.

 

 

"i love you," i mumbled, "g'night."

 

 

"'night," he replied, "love you, too."

 

 

i smiled widely, kissing his cheek before turning off the light.


End file.
